


A Broken Promise

by that_one_kid



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Character Study, Gen, I'm not joking - Freeform, Spoilers for the season 12 finale, basically if clara was watching doctor who and worrying, introspective, is that a thing?, so many spoilers, soft angst??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:16:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22991590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/that_one_kid/pseuds/that_one_kid
Summary: The Doctor made a promise. Clara knows (she was there). But the universe has changed - and notably, so has The Doctor.
Relationships: Clara & The Doctor
Comments: 1
Kudos: 37





	A Broken Promise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [UniverseOnHerShoulders](https://archiveofourown.org/users/UniverseOnHerShoulders/gifts).



> Really, I'm not joking, massive spoilers for the season finale. Please don't read this if you haven't seen it yet!!! 
> 
> Also, this is a gift fic for the amazing author UniverseOnHerShoulders whose Clara/13 fics inspired this. 
> 
> See end for trigger warnings.

Clara knew The Doctor. She had known all of them so far, so she would know this one just as well. She could see the differences between them all, and the similarities:

_ lonely and aching and hoping and harsh _

_ lanky and afraid and brave and alone _

_ old and new and fractured and broken _

And then this new one. So she understood her easy smiles and the aching loss behind her expressive eyes, understood the lies when she said she was all right and the frantic mania when she tried to run from what she knew. 

_ Gallifrey burned, it burned again, ashes in her palm, of course she’s not all right. _

But when everything fell apart, when the doctor was preparing (as usual) to fall on her sword, Clara distantly realized she was still expecting her Doctor. She was expecting his rage and his burning savage need to win at any cost. To stop the monsters, even if it made him one. She wanted desperately to rush in, hold her hand, drag her back from the edge.

_ Please don’t do this to yourself, not again. Don’t do this to the world. You are better than this.  _

But of course she was willing to fight them all, again, to save everything. Ready to burn herself to the ground, in more ways than one, to save her friends. To save the universe. Clara waited, breath baited, as they objected. Yaz grabbed her arm, all bravery and loyalty and hope. The Doctor knocked her off, froze, looked back. There was a long silence. Clara waited for the inevitable. 

_ Do as you are told.  _

What the doctor said instead: “Please.” 

It was earnest and empathetic. It failed entirely to be intimidating, commanding, or condescending. It also worked.

_ Don’t let her go. Don’t let her do this to herself.  _

The doctor drew back from them, forced herself to. She wears her heart on her sleeve and so everyone in the room saw it shatter. They’re silent, out of a grief that’s mingled with respect. 

_ It hurts her, keeps hurting her, a brand she carries with her everywhere - a title, a responsibility. _

“Live great lives,” she says, and it’s almost a whisper but sincerity drips from every word. And then she turns on her heel and leaves.

Clara loses the threads, slips forward in time. The Doctor is frozen, her hand trembling above the button to end it all. End herself forever, end the war, end the pain. 

_ So which one are you, Doctor - coward or killer? _

She can’t do it. Or rather, she can do it. She has made up her mind to do it. She won’t do it. Her heart-on-her-sleeve is still visible, even here, even with him. Her heart is breaking, and she won’t do it. 

_ Coward, any day. _

Clara can see it in The Master’s face when he realizes that he hasn’t broken her after all. The millennia, the Time War, the loss, all the grief and rage, hasn’t shattered her completely. 

_ It only made her kind _

Her flaws and faults and apologies and emotions had been so glaring that they’d covered up something not even The Master, not even Clara had been able to see. 

_ She’s not broken anymore _

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: Death, loss, war, genocide, self-sacrifice, faint hint of suicidal thoughts


End file.
